The manuscript of survival – part 324

Fear, pain, struggle and toil. For many, this will be a very accurate description of the last few days, and for all of you, you have been in touch with at least one component of this heady mix of conflicting symptoms lately. For yes, they are indeed symptoms of a profound transformation taking place within you all, and as all symptoms go, they can in may ways effectively mask the reason for their appearance. For all of these unpleasant effects can easily be classified as negative, and for some, even be construed as detrimental. But they are not. For what they really are, are clear sings that you are moving up and away from the miasma of drama and illusion you have been swimming in for eons.

For you are in what can be called the chaos state for many now, as you are at the very doorstep of rediscovering you truest potential, the real you, the one that will emerge shining from all of the mud that at times seems to stick relentlessly to you no matter how hard you try to scrape it off. And so again we say, remember to let yourself lift up from this mud, for even if your whole being seems to be almost sucked under by the pull from this goo, your spirit is still up there, in the cloudless sky. So again we urge you all to connect with that free flying, all seing One you carry inside. And then, only then, will you be able to see that you are not falling under the spell of the old you again. It is only the last show of strength from it, but a futile one. That is, as long as you are able to tear your focus away from all of the drama, and let yourself fully engage with the real YOU, the one you have gotten at least one fleeting glimpse of already.

We will repeat this message again and again, for remember it is much easier to fall for the temptation to re-enter the fray of your inner dramas being played out in vivid color than to release them once and for all and acknowledge the fact that these are just superficial mirages superimposed on the real YOU. For the real you is not an actor, the real you just IS, now and forever. So again we say, these ups and downs, fears and struggles are a sign that you are being presented with all of these old and tired parts of you, with the explicit reason to let yourself finally say goodbye to them. For you cannot suppress them, that will only increase the drama as we have told you before. You must simply ”go upstairs” and see how it all passes you by, like wafts of smoke passing in front of you as it goes up and joins the other memories drifting into oblivion as they re-enter Creation and returns back to their pristine state of pure energy.

For that is what you are returning to also, your pristine state of pure awareness, but this time, it will come into the physical vehicle you call your body. This does not happen to be a friction free process, far from it. But remember, you can make it much, much more so if you manage to extricate yourself from the urge to play along with these drama scenes that comes up for revision. For that is what it is truly meant to be, a re-vision, as in SEEING them, not a revisit, as in BEING them. There is a very clear distinction between the two, and we urge you again to be very aware of what cathegory you automatically adhere yourself to.

So again we say, help yourself by connecting within, to that river of knowingness that is there for you, 24/7, no matter how far down in the muck you currently feel yourself. For you are not mud people, you are free spirits, and so this mudbath need not last longer than what you yourself choose. The river is there, and no matter how splattered and soiled you feel, the river will wash it away for you. And do not worry, your old mud will not spoil that river in any way. For the river will carry this silt to a place where it will serve as fertile soil in which to grow the new life you so deeply hanker for.

139 thoughts on “The manuscript of survival – part 324

  1. So… thank you Sally, Billy, Gail, Otmn, Aisha and all pond-souls! It is so wonderful to be here in the Pond, feeling so supported. There are no words to describe my gratitude, exept to say that I cherish and love each and everyone of you.

    I have only one really good friend, he is my best friend, but he has big issues of his own and whenever I need him most, he is never there for me. So, very often I feel as if I have to deal with all my crap myself. I am always there for him when he needs me, but never the other way around. Still, he is my best friend and I love him.
    I guess I’m trying to say that I love you guys, for ALWAYS being there for me (as I will always be here for you). Love you , love you, love you!

    Anyway, the mud is clearing, and I can finally, very clearly SEE how the people in my life REALLY ARE. I can SEE my father, and I SEE exactly his behaviour! This is truly a big step forward.

    LOVE TO YOU ALL
    JayJay

  2. Thank God for this missive, Aisha & CCs. Thank frickin’ God. I’ve been saying to anyone who would listen, “Has the last week been a real roller coaster of an emotional hurricane?” But most just look blankly at me and say “No.” But you, Aisha, nailed it. Again. Of course! Thank God for you!!

    For me the last days have been Fear, Pain, Struggle, Tears—repeat. Fear, Pain, Struggle, Tears—repeat. Fear, Pain, Struggle, Tears—repeat. Topped off with “Where am I? Where am I going? What am I? What is my life?” Followed by a sobering dose of every stupid thought I’ve ever had and visions of every stupid thing I’ve ever done.

    And all those killing messages—I wasn’t allowed to shine, I wasn’t allowed to create, I wasn’t allowed to be powerful, I wasn’t allowed to succeed, I wasn’t allowed to be loved, I wasn’t allowed to…….. exist. Oy!

    However, now that I’ve read your beautiful life-saving missive, I can see that all that, pardon my word, all that ‘crap’ IS leaving; it’s sailing through me for one last hurrah and giving me one heck of a fright on its way to permanently out! I’ve done decades of inner work but in the last days it’s felt like “Two steps forward, a million steps back!”

    Happily and most profoundly I’ve seen that in all the dumb things I’ve done, by far the dumbest was that I didn’t love myself through it all. I wasn’t my own best fried. I was parroting all the critical messages to myself from those that raised me that didn’t know any better.

    I want very much in my “new true” life to be my own best friend…. Anyway, I babble. Thank you, Aisha, CCs, and light-pond Souls. Bless you all and thank you for being here helping us, helping us help each other, and blasting the world with LIGHT LIGHT LIGHT 🙂 xoxo, Kat

    1. Dear Kat – hurrah :-)!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, and for showing us all that this roller coaster actually takes us TO somewhere, not just to utter exhaustion and desperation. It is one heck of a ride to get there, but when the penny finally drops it is really, really worth it in the end. Shine on, sister!
      Much love from me, Aisha

      1. Thanks so much, Aisha, for being a Blazing Light on the Way for so many on this blessed planet. I hope (and am sure) you are also a blazing light for yourself! x o x o x, Kat

    2. Well done Kat! 🙂 Funny how sometimes the ‘crap’ really goes kicking and screaming!! So much love and congratulations xxx

      1. LOL!! So true, Gail. “Crap” really doesn’t like being got rid of but the good news is, we’re all stronger than “crap” !! Grrrrr 🙂 xoxoxo

    3. Oh the beautiful expressions of self love as we each meet our true selves for the first time and “allow” all the other lies and mistruths to dissolve just makes my heart burst with JOY!!! Thanks so much for being YOU kat and for sharing your wonderful self with US! 🙂 Alex

  3. There are lot of us who know who we are and what we are doing,,,, on the inside. But, on the outside, not so much. Some of us have never had any support or encouragement in any way, so it’s tough for us to come out and just Be without dodging the negative ramifications, fabricated or real.
    I learned to keep quiet at a young age. Seemed when I opened my mouth about anything I opened a can of worms that went so far beyond where I was coming from, that I learned to not express anything about what I was thinking.
    As I got older and into the working field I saw families that expressed themselves to each other. I was in awe. What a beautiful thing. So I imagined I could probably talk to my family now, I imagined they would listen now and accept me.
    I made a trip to my parents home and ‘tried’ it out. Epic fail. How dare I have an opinion about them or my brother or sister. Who did I think I was. So for the rest of their lives (they’re all dead now) I tried to be what they wanted me to be. Even after their deaths I tried to please them. Finally, and not too long ago I realized I handled it all wrong. I was way too hard on myself and took way too long figuring out I was not as bad as they made me feel. But I see now, it was not wasted time, even tho’ ‘they’ may not have gotten to the point where they loved me,,,,, ‘I’ did. I now know who I am and what I am doing and I love myself.
    My physical body, my mind, my soul, and all that I am and all that I can imagine and all that I don’t know and all that I know are all working together in Love. And if it weren’t for you, Lovely Aisha and your Beautiful Commenters, I wouldn’t have the courage to say it ‘out loud’ and I haven’t yet said it out loud to anyone in my present experience, but I will, and the time is Now. I actually feel like saying, ‘yay’ Yay!
    I love all of you, ha, and all of me, however many that may be!
    Sally

    1. Beloved sister, thank you for bringing your light to this space, and for sharing the lessons you have learned on your journey. “It was not wasted time” – how true that is! For when we really start to SEE ourselves and the journey we have made that has brought us to where we are today, we see that every step, no matter how painful it has been, has been an important part of that journey. And then, like you say, we can start to embrace ALL that we are. I love you, dear Sally, and I embrace you in joy 🙂
      Aisha

    2. Oh, Sally. You did really great, such courage I will never have. I really relate to ‘keep quite’, I still do. I still don’t have the courage to speak my mind to the person in my life to whom I should tell these things. I am such a coward, although I don’t feel like one. Oh, I am such a mixed up screwed up guy. And the worst part of it is that I do’t even deserve to feel this way because I have never been violated like some others have. I so feel for you! I all love you so! Yes my selfpity knows no end right now. And even as the CC’s mentioned that all that should be left, is the Self “observing” and “not going into the drama”. This should be the final stage of letting it all go. Well it sure doesn’t feel like it.

      Today I went to a Rosen therapist, just like Aisha did. And as usual I acted like a copycat again, following Aisha’s lead, because that’s what I’ve been doing all my life: following other peoples lead, like I don’t have a mind of my own. Oh boy, I’m doing everything WRONG, like always. Yes, I’m all the way back into full 3D again, yes, and it feels so familiar. I am so used to it, yet I hate (myself) so MUCH for acting this way.

      I will tell you what I “saw” during the Rosen therapy. As I lay there, she touched parts of my leg and it felt really tense. But when she sort of opened my chest, I saw a kind of maligment growth, and I removed it by using a vacumcleaner (yes you may laugh). Later she touched my neck and that’s where it really started to hurt. I saw me as a young boy, trapped on the seventh floor, trying to get into my house, but there was nobody home. I had nowhere to go, and a kid from nextdoor started to beat me. I felt so trapped, and especially I felt so SMALLand very WEAK.

      I just hate myself for being so weak and small, because that’s what deap in my heart I’ve always felt. And on top of that, yes it get whorse… I got bald too. Well that really did it. So I turned out to be this tiny, weak, baldheaded guy. And really I know I’m not, but sure enough that’s what it FEELS like who I am.

      Isn’t this the most pathetic story you ever heard? Oh yes, and my daddy yelled at me, my sister and my mother for as long as I can remember. That didn’t help much to get over my poor self image. In fact I KNOW it made it much, much, worse.

      The worst part of it, is that everytime something “bad” like this happened, is that I would wuld be TOTALLY overwhelmed with the situation. I just could not believe what was happening. I just could not believe that somebody would do such an awfull thing to another person…!

      Well I know I’m in the drama, but I guess I’m not as high up on the ladder as some, or most of you here at the Pond. I’m just so greatfull that I can share my pityfull self with you all.

      I love you all so much! I love you.

      1. The only reason to climb a ladder is to make a fancy dive into the pond.
        I have horror stories from when I was little.
        My dad got it a little backwards.
        Instead of thinking that God is the father, he thought
        the father was god.

      2. JayJay, I absolutely relate to everything you posted. I too would only do what others suggested. I had certain people I’d go to for different types of validation. If they thought my ideas or thoughts were wrong, so did I. If they thought something was funny, so did I. I trusted everyone except myself. I believed everyone had the answers but me.
        But as I aged I realized that each time I went to someone for help, I gave a part of myself away. I was essentially saying to them, ‘Here take this part of me, and when I have a question about me or I need to know something about me, I’ll ask you.’
        I eventually gave everything I had that kept me alive, away. I got to the point where I could barely function. I mean, literally. I quit work, I quit socializing, I quit life, I became a blank slate. Having no idea how to process all this, feeling absolutely defeated and deflated I became a complete hermit. Only going in to town when I needed supplies and then looking at no one. Then after bein’ alone, so to speak, for awhile, (I am still in a broken 30 year marriage, that will be fixed one way or another, soon.) I kind’a forgot the ‘friends’, the job, the old ‘ways’ and decided to literally hold my head up and look people in the eyes. It was really hard at first and I still struggle with certain people, but I am slowly getting the pieces of myself back and putting me all together without asking anyone if that’s ok. It’s better than ok, it’s beautiful.
        As I look back I see it was all a blessing. Quitting everything and everybody was actually my way of getting rid of baggage and getting over people who were taking advantage of me.
        This life, at the present, is not about being ahead or behind or being right or wrong it’s about you only you. The best thing you can do for yourself is what you’re doing JayJay, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it sounds like you’re gathering the pieces of yourself just fine, and when you get enough pieces that match, you’ll start putting yourself back together. When you do that, the picture of yourself gets bigger, then you find more pieces, then the picture gets bigger, pieces, bigger, pieces, bigger,,, then you realize the picture of you never ceases to grow until you see it connecting with Creation Itself,,, the real You.
        Keep up the hard work until it’s easy.
        You’re exactly where you need to Be.
        I send you all that I am and all that I know.
        Love, Sally

      3. Hey, JayJay, big hugs for you. Rollercoaster goes down again. Back up soon, my friend. You are doing just fine xxx

      4. Just to add JayJay, you have only just had a very deep connection with your self. After this the normal 3-d seems to crash back in and seems worse than ever. It’s alot to do with the contrast. In this process it is NORMAL to feel dreadful soon after huge leaps happen. We always bounce back! Remember you are amazing, even when you forget you are. Love to you, dear JayJay xxx

      5. And a bit more….. when you removed it by using a vacuum cleaner….that was you working with your higher self. 🙂 You heard her instruction to remove the shit and you put your own picture on it as you did it together. Wow, or what!!!

        If you always listen to what others say, well…….
        I say and all here at the pond say, ‘You are amazing. You have entered a brave and truly meaningful path. You are not just reading about growth and truth, you are LIVING IT’ Believe US, JayJay, we are your fellow travellers on this path and we LOVE YOU!!!

      6. Dear JayJay:
        I just want to echo what Sally and Gail are saying to you here. These are some powerful good words shared with you (of course you know it), and Otmn’s right too, there IS no “ladder.” We are all One in truth. Here to experience and to help each other for our greatest possible and MUTUAL benefit. That is the truth. Your raw emotional reaction seems directly connected to your point(s) in the process. You ARE working this crap out. No need to identify with it. It’s not You; you are totally right. You know this too, though you’re finding it difficult to continue doing: OBSERVE this emotional crap as it heaves itself up into your awareness, quiet as you can. Though it engages the Hell out of you. Return to observing. This too WILL pass.
        You’re a great guy, I’m telling you!
        Lots of Love,
        ~Billy

      7. Beloved brother, bravest of the brave! I am in awe of your courage and your honesty, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it all with us. You are like an explosion of light, even if you yourself feel very much the opposite at the moment. Your willingness to face this journey through your own “mud” and your ability to be so open about it is a powerful lesson for us all, and one that brings much help to so many. It is so painful to feel like the ugly duckling, but I see you as the magnificent swan you have turned into, floating amongst all the other swans on this beautiful Pond of love. And soon my friend, I know you will see the truth in this also.
        I love you dear JayJay!
        Aisha

    3. Absolutely beautiful Sally girl! Oh, i know that place from which you come from. Right down to the talking to my parents and them totally denying any culpability. I healed it all within myself and that is all that matters really–BIG hugs to you BEAUTIFUL shining light that you are! 🙂 Alex

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