Dear friends! Feels like I am finally able to breathe again after some very, very intense days. Judging from your comments, I am not the only one who have spent more time down at the bottom than on the surface of this beautiful little pond lately (thank you, Nohmad :–) ! ). I’ve been through much of the same as many of you, ranging from a lot of physical pain in the head, jaw and right side of the body, heavy fatigue, feeling weird about eating anything at all, and fighting off a panic attack when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling literally trapped inside a body that felt totally alien to me. It’s been like all I wanted to do was to just pull a blanket over my head and forget that I even existed. But at the same time, I have had moments of total clarity where I just KNOW that everything is OK, it will all happen at the exact right time, and I do not need to DO anything to make it happen. In fact, the message I got was ”stop trying so hard”, and the image they gave me was of salmons trying to fight their way up a waterfall. Or, as the CCs said in the last message: just surrender. It is tempting to try to ”push ahead” a little extra at times like these, when everything seems to be a bit unclear, and we feel the pull from whatever we have waiting for us at the other end. But the only thing that happens whenever I try to do this, is that I get frustrated. So now I keep reminding myself to just let it be and surrender to the flow, no matter how strong or how static it feels.
Being ”back on the surface” again also means that I am finally able to appreciate all of the comments you have shared lately. It is so amazing to see just what a wonderful and supportive community this has turned out to be! I do not know if the rest of you have noticed this, but it is like it has grown so much in intensity and luminosity in these last few weeks. I must admit that as December started, I was very unsure about what would happen when we passed the days surrounding 12.21.12. Despite what the CCs had shared about this period in advance, I knew that there were bound to be some very disappointed people out there. So I was expecting to see clear signs of that here, but instead, what you have all brought to this space has been beyond anything I could have hoped for. To quote the CCs: cudos to you all for creating this community of sharing and caring and support. It is like it has taken on a life of its own, and I am so happy for that. Who knows what it will grow into in the future? So thank you all for bringing your beautiful reflections to this pond. Without you, this would be a solitary place indeed!
Love and light, Aisha